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Learning not to be a victim – a checklist from a psychologist

1. Understand: every second, minute we make one or another choice.

The position of the victim is also a choice made on the basis of certain beliefs. We cannot influence certain events, but we can choose how to react to them.

2. Replace the habit of constantly looking for the culprits in your troubles with the habit of looking for options for solving problems and getting out of the crisis.

For example, instead of asking “Why exactly did this happen to me?”, “Why is this happening to me?” accept the situation and start looking for an answer to the question “What now?”. Identify all possible solutions to the problem. This is much more productive than finding the culprits. Although it is up to you to decide whether to stand still or take a step forward. The choice is yours.

“Accept the situation” does not mean completely surrendering to the circumstances, but accepting the fact that you cannot influence some global things, but you can choose how to react to them. For example, instead of sitting under fire in a dilapidated house and wondering whether the rocket will hit the house or not, periodically switching to self-defeating questions like “Why me, for what?”, you can take care of your own safety and temporarily move to a safe place, with a clear the realization that housing can always be rebuilt.

3. If you have a difficult choice in front of you and you don’t know what to stop it at, choose what is the most profitable for you at the moment.

You can even write down the pros and cons of each option you have identified and make your choice based on this analysis.

4. Constant shifting of responsibility to others reinforces you in the position of a victim. Each of us is the forge of our own happiness. Remember this.

5. Self-love, understanding your desires and needs, and building your own behavior on the basis of this understanding will make you invulnerable and independent of other people’s judgments, opinions, suggestions.

6. Search for new meanings. Learn to perceive any experience (even very bitter) as an opportunity for your own development and growth.

Only you can choose: to take the internal position of the winner or the loser!